


I Don't Know Where to Start

by JonathanGroffing (msrogersstark)



Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: Lonely!Connor, M/M, Minor Conner/Pax, Panic Attacks, Post-Breakup Coliver
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-12
Updated: 2014-11-12
Packaged: 2018-02-25 01:42:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2603945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msrogersstark/pseuds/JonathanGroffing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He made it two steps before his legs gave out, leaving him sitting on the plush carpet, yesterday’s events swimming in his mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Know Where to Start

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this after the episode and forgot to post it :/

Conner wakes with a start, beads of sweat trailing down his forehead, blurring his vision, making him scrub at his eyes. He presses his palms against them, trying to erase the image branded into them. Pax’s face as he leaned back out the window. Conner was too far, he would have done something, surely could have saved him. He let out a frustrated groan, which rang loudly in the quiet room. He wanted to sleep, he wanted this image out of his head, he wanted to stop caring but most of all, he wanted Oliver.

Glaring at the clock, which told him it was 4am, only an hour later than it had last read when he put down his laptop and finally tried to sleep, he pushed the covers aside and got out of bed. He made it two steps before his legs gave out, leaving him sitting on the plush carpet, yesterday’s events swimming in his mind. Pushing the hair out his eyes, he used the edge of the wall to pull himself up and forced his legs to carry him to the kitchen. He nearly made it.

The living room window was open, letting in the cool night air. He wasn’t very high up, his apartment only being on the third floor but he couldn’t see the ground. He blinked once and there he was. Pax, sitting on the windowsill. Conner reached forward but Pax leaned back and disappeared over the sill just as he had done the previous day. Conner screamed and ran towards the window. He looked out, expecting to see the shattered corpse of Pax on the ground. It wasn’t there. He blinked and there it was. Another blink, it was gone. Conner stepped back from the window, suddenly feeling sick. He was seeing things. He had to be. Pax was dead and he deserved to be. Conner could feel the bile rise in his throat but he forced it down. He needed to get himself together. He shut the window with a slam and drew the curtains across it. He willed his legs to carry him into the kitchen. As if on autopilot, his hand reached for his phone and his thumb hovered above the number 2 on his keypad, Oliver’s speed dial. Conner could feel the panic starting in his chest, making it hard to breathe. He wasn’t speaking to Oliver, he didn’t want to make things worse than he already had. Panic attacks were a usual for him, he could do it alone. He just didn’t want to.  He sat down on the floor, back pressed against the wall and braced himself for the worst.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts?


End file.
